So a new start in God, a new life to begin, I decided it was time to start this xanga anew and be the Godly woman that God wants me to be. So I'm going to type up my journals from my recent week at Go Tell Camp.
(--- entails same day, later time of writing)

6-20-05
Sometimes God leads us places we never thought we would go. his plan is unpredictable, and take us down roads we never thought that we would travel. Those untraveled roads though can be the most beautiful paths that God can lead you down. He can show you things so amazing it's just... "wow". We walk by faith, and sometimes it's a giant leap of faith to go down those paths. But it says in Hebrews "It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God", and while it is fearful, He is always worth it. It's just I never would have thought that God would lead me away from school, but He did. And in the almost full year I've been gone, I've leanred a lot and grown up a lot. God has calmed my spirit and opened my heart to understand Him and His wants for my life. The serenity that He has placed in and on me, even in the past few days, it has been perfectly timed and an amazing blessing. God has put this on me just in time to make me open and ready for the blessings I will recieve here at camp. I'm excited to be here, ready to worship and learn all that I can learn. I hope this year touches me in an amazing way, and re-fuels my spirit. It's like I'm that burning bush, but I'm going out. And I need God to consume me, and set me ablaze again. And I feel that this year will do it for me. And for once, I came here with an open heart and already am feeling his awesome presnece in my heart, something I've not yet fully experienced here at camp, and it's going to be absolutely amazing.
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I spoke wiht Josh Grammon. He still won't kiss my frog, but it's okay. He is just so cute and such a sweet guy. Ic an't leave this year without a person email address. I can only imagine the cool conversations I could have with him. We just had one. Perhaps by the end of camp I'll succeed in being brave enough to ask. I hope so. It would be awesome to make an amazing friend in such an amazing brother of Chris, just like I did with nick.
Today Neesh and I had a lovely Bible study. We went over Phil. 4:8 and a lot of other corresponding verses. It was great. With a friend like Neesha so totally grounded in God, I'm truly blessed. This year is going to be different, so much more amazing. I can't wait for God to fill my spirit and consume me. I can't wait for those tears of joy to spill down my face and to be entirely caught up in the Spirit of God. I can only imagine how the rest of this week will affect and change me, and I honestly cannot wait.
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Service was amazing, as usual. I was in tears for what felt like the entire time. Rick Stanley is such an amazing speaker. He was talking about how opinion shouldn't matter to people, drawing the allusion to how Pilate offered Jesus to the masses because of public opinion, he compromised and succumbed to public opinion, eventhough he knew it was wrong. It makes me want to be more than average.
Sahara re-dedicated, and she was just so moved, and it was refreshing to see. And I was just so in awe of God's love and power. 2 of our kids got saved as well, Devon and Amber.

6-21-05
I SURRENDER ALL

I lay nose on the ground
Complete surrender to my Christ
I lay on the ground
Heart open to You
I am Yours
God, Please take me
Reshape me
Make me new

6-22-05
Yesterday was an amazing day. I got up early and sat in the rotunda to read my Bible. Then Ricky and Jess came in and we all talked. After breakfast I talked to Corey for a long time, and it was just awesome. My breakout group was awesome as well. I took tons of notes. Morning worship was moving, and I loved it. Our camp pastor rocks!
After lunch and recreation I got Whit and TaNeesha upset with me. I was talking to Brent about it, and he told me to be sure to get it out of my heart so that I could worship. And before service, i felt as though I had. And then Building 429 played, and I really did not enjoy them. It seemed like yesterday there was an opposing force working against me so that I wouldn't feel like worshipping, and consequently wouldn't have been able to surrender to God. But man! The lesson last night was AMAZING! I just broke. Yeah, I was starting to grow and hunger for the Lorda gain, btu I still had to surrender. I couldn't stop crying for I don't know how long, probably like an hour.
Then, we had share time. And I told them about a lot of personal things and then got food an went to bed, so I could get up early for a good day.
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I talked to Whitney earlier today, about being angry. When I'm around her, and with her, I just feel so angry and I told her that I didn't want to be angry while I was here, and that was because I want to be able to worship in the way that God wants me to. I followed that up with when we are together I always feel agitated and angry, because we fight a lot, and because of that I couldn't be around her as much as she wants to while we're here. She got upset with me, and said something like "We never hang out at camp anyway so I don't see why you feel the need to tell me this" and so I walked ahead and prayed so I wouldn't get angry with her as well. I don't know if I'm supposed to say anything more or not, so I'm going to go seek some guidance.

6-23-05
Yesterday Josh sang to me. I was standing talking to Chris about Coldpay and Radiohead and how I don't like them, and Josh heard and walked up and started to sing to me. I was freaking out. He souned so prettyful.
Last night I was entirely torn up. I sat and sobbed for like two hours last night. I just felt so burdened for my family, friends, and all lost people in general. It broke my heart, and I sobbed. I mean really sobbing, with a shaking body and crying really loud and hyperventilating and I got dehydrated. I was out int he lobby sobbing after service and I was just hurting, I still hurt, but I think I've cried myself out. I can't imagine how it could hurt worse than what I feel and what I felt last night.

6-24-05
The power of prayer can do amazing things. All week I have prayed, and asked others to pray, and prayed with others, for Whitney. My heart broke for her, and I wept for her, and yesterday God healed her heart. It is amazing to feel God working among my friend.
Last night the worship service was great. Not only did the people among my youth bond and become unified, but we bonded with others. I clasped the hand of a complete stranger, but brother in Chris, and sang out to God. I rejoiced over a redeemed soul, I prayed for a hardened heart with a sister I'd never met before, and it was great!
And after the service, i told Rick Gage of the things his camps have done for our youth, and thanked him for allowing God tod o this through him, and tears came to his eyes. I thanked Sean Alexander for his beautiful and inspiring words, and recieved a smile and look of gratitude for not hounding him for an autograph.
Yesterday I went out witnessing in the outskirts of Toccoa. We didn't get to speak to anyone, but seeing over half of our youth just show up to go was one of the most awesome things ever. At least I got to talk to someone at the carwash we did on Wednesday though, that was great. Just seeing our youth open up like that was amazing. Especially seeing Jared just going after it like a pro. I'm happy to see him the way he is.
Either Tuesday or Wednesday night, when we were worshipping, there was a guy there alone, and I felt God telling me to go to him and bring him among us, and I didn't, and he left after I told I wouldn't do it. I plan on apologizing to him today. but for now, I'm due at devotions, so I'll write on the way home.
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So we're on our home listening to the CG Band, and I have the card Josh wrote his email for me on in my hand, hoping he will become to me the mentor and amazing friend in Christ that Nick used to be to me. He really is a strong man of God, and he makes me want to emulate Christ's love even more, because of how much of His love I see in him. I have a crush, yeah, o course, have since I met him last year. I don't "lust", though. I just like him, because of all he is. He's an amazing man of God, and that is the biggest part about him that I like. But the "crush" isn't consuming me like others have consumed me before. I just hope and pray that we can keep in touch because of the amazing person that he is.
Anyway, off of that subject... I'm tired so I'm going to go on and sleep for a while.

And those are my journal entries from camp. Yesterday I had the privelage of witnessing to one of my brother's friends, and he was really interested in what I was saying until my brother came in and started making fun of him. SO please pray for this situation, that I can show his friend Christ's love and the Truth.